The 12 Things of Speech & Debate: A Carol for Any Season

by Penny Harris, Canton Central Catholic HS (CAN)

Because we all need a little humor at this point in the season, here is a parody of Bob Rivers’s “12 Pains of Christmas” lyrics.

The first thing of Speech and Debate that’s such a pain to me
Is finding a way to pay fees.
The second thing of Speech and Debate that’s such a pain to me:
Reading all these cases
And finding a way to pay fees.
The third thing of Speech and Debate that’s such a pain to me:
Fundraising;
Reading all these cases;
And finding a way to pay fees.
The fourth thing of Speech and Debate that’s such a pain to me:
Sending bus-requests;
Fundraising;
Reading all these cases;
And finding a way to pay fees.
The fifth thing of Speech and Debate that’s such a pain to me:
Finding good judges!
Sending bus-requests;
Fundraising;
Reading all these cases;
And finding a way to pay fees.
The sixth thing of Speech and Debate that’s such a pain to me:
Kids changing cuttings;
Finding good Judges!
I hate filling out bus-requests!
Fundraising;
Reading all these cases!
And finding a way to pay fees.
The seventh thing of Speech and Debate that’s such a pain to me:
Drops;
Kids changing cuttings;
Finding good Judges!
Sending bus-requests;
Oh, geez, fundraising!
I’m tryin’ to read all these cases!
And finding a way to pay fees.
The eighth thing of Speech and Debate that such a pain to me:
Ballots disappearing!
Drops;
And what’cha mean “it’s a bad cutting”?
Finding good judges!
Oh, sending these bus-requests…
Fundraising, huh?
What, we have no evidence?!
And finding a way to pay fees.
The ninth thing of Speech and Debate that’s such a pain to me:
School Internet-Security;
“Coach, where is my ballot?!”
Drops;
Kids changing cuttings;
Finding good judges;
Writing out those bus-requests;
Fundraising;
Now, why the heck are there no blocks?!
And finding a way to pay fees.
The tenth thing of Speech and Debate that’s such a pain to me:
Kids aimlessly wandering;
Kicked off the internet;
Ballots disappearing!
Drops!
Kids changing cuttings;
Finding good judges;
Yo-Ho, sending bus-requests!
Fundraising!
One contention goes out, they all go out!
And finding a way to pay fees.
The eleventh thing of Speech and Debate that’s such a pain to me:
Overnight trips;
Are they in the bathroom?
Did they really block SpeechWire(TM)?
“BALLOTS?!?”
Drops;
Fine, cut something yourself, for once!
Finding good judges;
Oh, I don’t even know if we HAVE buses….
I’ll just donate the money myself!
Get on the computer—new evidence just rolled in!
And finding a way to pay fees.
The twelfth thing of Speech and Debate that’s such a pain to me:
New rules from OSDA;
I’m never staying at this hotel again!
Were they actually ON the bus this morning?
“No internet access?!! Somebody call Ben!”
“Where are my BALLOTS?!?”
Drops;
Gotta make ’em a new cutting;
Finding good judges;
Look, we’ll just have to carpool! Yes, we’re still going!
Not… another… bake sale….
Fine! You’re so smart, you fix your own case!
And finding a way to pay fees.

[Editor’s Note: We hope you’ve had a happy holiday season, and may 2019 bring you great success and joy (and not too much pain!).]

It’s time to represent.

Rep Your Event 2019 is here.

Contest Rules & Guidelines:

  • Create a 1-minute video encapsulating what makes your OSDA competitive event great.
  • Voiceovers, interviews, and demonstrating the event are all allowed.  There are multiple ways to present your message, but performance clips are encouraged.
  • All videos must be appropriate for public display.  Use discretion.

How to Submit: 

Post your video to YouTube and send a link to the OSDA at osdavideos@gmail.com

Deadline for Entries:

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Winning Entries:

  • Finalist videos will be voted on via online voting before (and their submitters/producers will be recognized at) the State Tournament Awards Assembly in Canton in March 2019.
  • Finalist entries will be determined by the OSDA Board of Directors.
  • The Grand Prize Winner, who will be determined at the State Tournament in March, will win a $100 scholarship (and be forever recognized as the winning video producer for that year).
  • The OSDA reserves the right to award additional prizes.

DISCLAIMER: By submitting a video to this contest, or by assisting with production of a video submitted to this contest, you acknowledge that OSDA retains the right to use any submitted video, or portions (including still images) thereof, for promotional purposes.

2016 Winning Video: Melissa Liang (Sylvania Southview, TOL)

2017 Winning Video: Amelia Mainzer (Highland, AKR)

2018 Winning Video: Grace Cousens (Laurel School, CLE)

2019 Winning Video: Yours?

Question Mark

Lights! Camera! Action! We look forward to seeing you represent.